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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
September 1, 2012
To Us- Synesthesia by =DrippingWords
Featured by thorns
Suggested by sambeawesome
Literature Text
i.
every sound
excites a burst
of color; an
exploding
firework,
dancing and
twirling.
ii.
your voice
tastes of mangoes;
sticky
and sweet,
caressing my senses.
your flavor is
personal.
iii.
the letters
all become a
different personality.
"T" is crabby
and "I" worries.
"J" is strong
and mighty.
iv.
closer and
farther away;
each number becomes
its own plane
and point
in space;
perfect details.
v.
all the numbers
form lines
becoming an army
of curvy rows,
swirling round
and round.
a perfect pattern.
vi.
letters take
on colors,
each and every one
a different hue,
a different shade,
forming rainbows
of words.
every sound
excites a burst
of color; an
exploding
firework,
dancing and
twirling.
ii.
your voice
tastes of mangoes;
sticky
and sweet,
caressing my senses.
your flavor is
personal.
iii.
the letters
all become a
different personality.
"T" is crabby
and "I" worries.
"J" is strong
and mighty.
iv.
closer and
farther away;
each number becomes
its own plane
and point
in space;
perfect details.
v.
all the numbers
form lines
becoming an army
of curvy rows,
swirling round
and round.
a perfect pattern.
vi.
letters take
on colors,
each and every one
a different hue,
a different shade,
forming rainbows
of words.
Literature
Don't Talk To Me
"I'm sorry," I said, and meant it.
She nodded, her expression unfathomable. "Me too."
There was a long pause.
"Just two days ago," I said quietly, avoiding her eyes, "we couldn't even be in the same room without going for each other's throats."
She turned away. "Yeah," she admitted. "But look at us now."
I continued, "And just two months ago we were the best of friends. But look at us now." This time I looked directly at her, smiling mirthlessly.
"But look at us now," she
Literature
Let Me Down Gently
I never said I was an angel,
rather,
I'm a feather on its wing,
so when you let me drift
on the next western current,
let me fall slowly down,
d
r
i
f
t
i
n
g.
I promise I'll land softly,
though you will not find me
where you left me.
Literature
the science of us
acceleration = gravitational pull / mass
You didn’t send my heartbeat into a frenzy the first time I saw you. It was a month or two before I started feeling the little palpitations inside my chest and made sure that my hand accidentally brushed against yours every now and then.
(I wanted to make sure you got used to the feeling of my atoms colliding with yours.)
I told myself it was stupid and simply physical. You weren’t pulling my heart strings, you were toying with my belt buckle by smiling at me across the room and asking me to spend time with you on a Saturday afternoon. I was sold by the time you pulled into my driveway a
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
For 
theme: Synesthesia.
For iii, the Personification section, I took actual quotes from people who had that type of Synesthesia.
I used the six known/major types of Synesthesia:
i. Sound → color Synesthesia
ii. Lexical → gustatory Synesthesia
iii. Personification
iv. Spatial Sequence Synesthesia
v. Number form Synesthesia
vi. Grapheme → color Synesthesia
I've always thought it would be really cool to have Synesthesia; to see/taste something that only a few other people could.
Could I have formatted it in a different way to make it better?
Does it flow even though it's free verse?
Can you imagine what's happening?
Any thing else you think could be made better overall?
Thanks to *Concora for suggesting it, and to =TwilightPoetess for featuring me!
If you like this, check out this amazing picture by *SilentReaper
(for #dALinkSystem)
theme: Synesthesia.For iii, the Personification section, I took actual quotes from people who had that type of Synesthesia.
I used the six known/major types of Synesthesia:
i. Sound → color Synesthesia
ii. Lexical → gustatory Synesthesia
iii. Personification
iv. Spatial Sequence Synesthesia
v. Number form Synesthesia
vi. Grapheme → color Synesthesia
I've always thought it would be really cool to have Synesthesia; to see/taste something that only a few other people could.
Could I have formatted it in a different way to make it better?
Does it flow even though it's free verse?
Can you imagine what's happening?
Any thing else you think could be made better overall?
EDIT:
OMG! I got a DLD! It's been a dream of mine to receive one, and it finally happened! Thanks to those who put so much work into featuring deviations Thanks to *Concora for suggesting it, and to =TwilightPoetess for featuring me!EDIT2:
HOLY CRAP. So I log on today, just expecting the usual amount of comments, maybe around 10 or 11, but there were SO MANY! I was so confused, but then I scroll down to the bottom, and I GOT A DD! My FIRST one! Thank you so much to =wondering-souls, who suggested this piece, and A HUGE THANK YOU to `thorns who featured meEDIT3:
Here's the link to the magazine this poem was published it: I'm on page 42. They did spell Synesthesia wrong, but it's understandable, because of all the work they do. I'm just happy to be included with all the other wonderful authors and artists!EDIT4:
The wonderful =Sammur-amat read this piece out loud here.If you like this, check out this amazing picture by *SilentReaper
(for #dALinkSystem) © 2012 - 2024 LionesseRampant
Comments274
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Overall Vision
Originality Technique Impact1) Personally, I believe that this format works wonderfully. The breaking of sections as to account for all of the senses does the piece justice.
2) Yes, this piece reads well. Thankfully you injected punctuation along with the strong language allowing the piece to move fluidly.
3) In some parts more than others, which I will address next.
4) Personally I believe stanza ii is the weakest of the bunch. The analogy to sugar isn't strong enough for me along with the vividness in the rest of the piece. I'd suggest changing this comparison to something a little more unique than sugar.
I would also suggest removing "a show for me" in the first stanza. You have already stated "only for my eyes" two lines above it and the image would create a stronger impact as an ending. You actually do this in a few places and I think if you were to integrate that into the title it'd make the poem stronger. Every time you state "Only i can see them" or "just for me" it takes me out of the ridiculously well crafted sensory details.
I hope this helped! Great piece of work you've got here.